I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
