you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
