He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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