all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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