Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
