I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
