He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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