does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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