I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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