SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
