guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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