There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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