I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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