Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
