sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
