Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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