Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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