guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
