So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
