Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
