I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
