Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
