I showed him my bush... on skype.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
