matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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