I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
