Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
