im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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