Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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