elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
