She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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