The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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