Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
