yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
