OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize