we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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