I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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