i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
