Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
