Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
