Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
