shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
