It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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