just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
