ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize