If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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