I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
organizing the empties. That sober.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
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