Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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