i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
