I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
