My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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