lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
