Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
