last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
