I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
