are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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