He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
this boner is exhausting
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
