Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
