Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize