Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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