Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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