this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and she was petting her beer can
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
