who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize