There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
